The last 3 weeks have been a bit of a blur. Around March 15th it seemed like March was flying by, and by March 23rd it felt like it had been a couple months. My part time job as an Activities Assistant at a senior facility has been keeping me busy, at first with all the canceled events, and then trying to come up with new ideas. I stayed late almost every day. By the time I got home, I crashed on the couch for an hour or so before I had enough energy to get up and maybe do a workout and make dinner. By 8 o'clock I was so tired I struggled to keep myself awake until a decent bed time (otherwise I'd wake up at 4 a.m.).
Between that job and everything at home (dishes, laundry, cleaning, etc.), I had little to no energy to focus on my photography business. Just when I felt like I was getting into a good groove of posting on social media, blogging, and coming up with marketing plans, all that suddenly came to a halt. What has really only been a week or so of falling behind on that has felt like months. I'm afraid if I don't keep up now, I'll lose any and all moment I had to begin with. Life in the last 3 weeks has really become a juggling act. I have felt so spacey and lost. When I'm home I go from one thing to another, then halfway through that thing realize I forgot something else I should do, and switch gears. I often feel like I'm forgetting something or should be doing something more.
My husband and I talk a lot about our future. We have big goals, and without the right finances, can't accomplish those goals. Those goals rely on my photography business growing. In the last few weeks, I sort of forgot about my dream of being a photographer as I stepped up at work. I lost sight of my dream. My priority became my other job. My part time job was supposed to help supplement my income--I never imagined in a million years I would find a part time job that was so rewarding that I truly loved. I thought having two jobs I'm passionate about was a good thing, but right now I'm struggling to prioritize my business over my residents and feeling like my part time job is taking over my life. I feel such a responsibility to my residents. I want to be there for them and this is a time they really need me, so it's hard for me to ask or even just to want to work less (and by less I just mean my regular hours, not extra). It's so hard to feel like I have to put a limit on the time I spend on that job vs. photography. I feel guilty and selfish. I was embarrassed to ask about restructuring my schedule that would give me one extra day off in a pay period (while still working the same number of hours).
I'm not sure what the point of this blog was other than to express how I've been feeling lately. Today is the first day in at least 2 weeks that I feel a little more like myself though. Feeling more focused and energized. Feeling more caught up with house chores and everything else so that I can actually feel ok about sitting down and taking time to focus on my business. It's a good feeling, feeling like things are normal (even if they aren't). Hopefully now that I'm feeling caught up again I can get back on track and stay focused and make this feeling last. I hope you've found some normalcy during these strange times.